Hear Me !!

Alright, so this is how it starts.

I take my blank page and wander around.

I wander around hoping to find a reason worthy to fill a page with words.

Words which I can weave and make some sense with.

 

There is chaos all around.

But thats how things have always been for me.

Then I say isn’t chaotic spree a mystic saga?

Fuck yeah! It sure is. So, I think about it and say, I’m glad that sun has gone down for us.

 

 

Alright, this is what I want her to listen.

Not that I am bad with one on one conversations.

It’s just that she is sitting in her shell and not opening the windows.

 

Windows which could carry my voice around.

But now, I’m just left voiceless, trying to preach her Another Is Waiting.

 

I was startled by her idea of life.

And that probably had me mapped and say, Fuck! She is spot on.

Those ideas, it lacked symmetry.

But the design drew me in, swallowed me in.

I let myself consumed by it, and I am glad I let it.

 

Her talks are like opium.

I want to learn her lows and know her victories.

I want to know her history and walk with her towards right.

I wish she would see my ugly me and respect that I have shown.

 

Then I think about the worst that could happen?

I guess, that has already happened. With both of us. Didn’t it?

Why shouldn’t she take a leap of faith this time.

Why shouldn’t she trust someone else’s guts this time.

Worst….She would be glad she met a happy soul.

 

People wait for a one full cent, but I am happy with a fraction.

That is what our earlier talks did to me.

When I said, I’m nervous and I am doing this after a long time.

I meant it. I’ve lived on the wrong side of the bliss for a good part of my life. So, I know I meant it.

I was honest.

 

All of this might sound cheesy, so let it be.

I am used to speak my mind, but I cannot speak to thou.

And this is the manner I’ve devised to say I what I feel.

 

With two hands I make wings and put them on back.

Pretending I can fly and do what I want. And say what I want.

Is this still a poem or its way too self centered? But, this is how I say it.

Hear Me !!


Perfect Strangers

I understand, and I know you wont deny this feeling.
One meets a perfect stranger and feels an instant connection.
You do get it, its nothing weird.

But there comes the uncertainty, since she closed her doors.
The fear of walking on the line of infatuation, while I’m at this waiting game.

I look at me and think of you, and I label them as two perfect strangers.
Strangers trying to delve deeper into their ant lives to sought solace.

Stutterred speech and awkward stares. May be the first impression didn’t do the job.
I say, lets give the first impression a second chance.
May be you’ll find my voice new, with a familiar face.

I saw her heart hitting the bottom, when she described how she loved.
I look at her with empathy, perfect empathy. Because I too lived those days.
So, I label them as perfect strangers.

Then I put my thinking hat on, and wonder how can someone so flawless be so flawed.
How someone with so much love, doesn’t want the offer one more go to the world.

She says her feet are planted and not sure if she wants to move.
But when I look around, I dont find her roots. I tell her that and she asks me why.
I say, time changes every bit. News or people, everything is fickle.

First time I met, I noticed every single detail.
Her puffy eyes, and unkept hair. Her tired legs and awkward stare.
Her lip gloss and peach sort of footware. And that restful aura around her. Just Bliss!!

We did speak about serious stuff, and agreed each other on almost every thing.
These are the little things which make me want to fall again.
So, I label them as perfect strangers.

Then I put myself in her shoes and pretend that she is talking to me.
And she says, “Hey, I didn’t catch you name”. And I say, “Its Gardener”.
Then she says, “Someday, not today. May be I would hold your hand. And may be you would like it.”
She adds, “Till then, I ask you not to be impatient. Lets be ‘Perfect Strangers’ until that one day, but not today.”

So I try, wait, and hope that this distance shrinks and so does all the hesitancy.
And then I ll no longer label them as Strangers. May be just ‘Perfect’.


Testimonial…..For Someone To Read

Its been more than an year that I haven’t written anything. So, here I am writing a testimonial that I’m writing to myself, but intending someone to read it………

Is it for the stars or is it for the providence, that I end up at the similar constant.
But this time it feels different. Neither do I feel sorry nor do I feel l dead.

Though my heart is like a wreaked hall, I dont mind filling it with promise.
Its not just a tale, its a hopeful impression of my optimistic notion.

I never wanted to sit and sob, because thats not what life is to me.
I’ll crash and burn a thousand times, to ascertain whats right for thee.

I ask myself if this pursuit is legit, and I hear my frontman screaming for one more trial.
But don’t you worry, I’m not the one who would crawl back when you fall back.

How I wish, she could see the potential here. Potential of an unending and incredible spree.
But I think its OK if it’s going to take a while, as I have got no other side to see.

Wise men said, only fools rush in. So I read between the lines to see if could shine.
But its alright, if its a lull. Since regret is what I can’t take to my grave.

I know she might not be ready to “fall” again, as they say.
I’ll say, what’s wrong in trying if she thinks that NOT the end anyway.

Not that she needs, but I just want to manifest my intent.
Least I can do is help her to stand and fly away.

Is it for the stars or is it for the providence, that I end up at the similar constant.
But this time I would go distance. Just to see, if this is where I was longing to stand.

Complications Bring Bliss……Sometimes

Complications are not always bad. By the way, it is not at all a theory of human cognition. Its just my outlook on few situations. Here are few reasons why I think so,

  • Any such situation opens up my brain in all directions and forces me think about its good and mainly bad consequences. Hence, giving me a broader picture of the so called “mess”
  • These situations make me think more practically then ever, and at the same time something keeps pushing me from inside to go for it
  • These state of affairs make me communicate with the people involved. And when I do that, clarity is inevitible
  • I don’t know, but the feat of simplifying something complicated has always given me happiness and reasons to preserve & protect it
  • And in the end, regardless the fact that I come out of it gracefully or bruised, I’m sure of one thing that nothing is going to stop the smile that I would carry on my face for that fact that I tried

I know that these Words Of Wisdom might have made you say,” What The Fuc* Is He Talking About”. But yeah, here I’m writing about a girl and a fuc*ed up situation, ergo the Words Of Wisdom.

Her interpretation of US,

They were both starved souls…One could not afford to fall in love and the other could not afford to fall out of it…..Each wanting more from the people…..Of Love, Loss and Longing!!

And trust me, its one heck of a mess. But as days passed by, it took so many twists and turns (some were beautiful and some were ugly, atleast for me).

My take on it:

Its not very often that you come across somebody and within no time you hear a serene voice whispering into your ears, “May be…this is the one”. Like a sheer incantation.

As I mentioned, its not often. Meaning, the odds of me going wrong are far more greater.

But if you know me, then you know the fact that so were the odds of all the best things that have happened to me so far.

So what is pushing me to pursue THIS COMPLICATED state of US? I did mention earlier about some twists and turns (yeah, this time only the beautiful ones). If I could get even the 10% of that initial promise for the rest of my days, I could happily grow old without any single rue.

Hence, I’m going to take her CONSENT (its mandatory for me), and I’m going to pursuit going from my side in the most sophisticated, sorted out and innocuous manner. I just HOPE this brings some bliss to me.


Yeah!! Its Not Romantic

Yes, an year has passed by and here I am logging back into my blog to put some words on the web space. No, I never forgot that I have a blog, but yes, I forgot how to write for this brief period of time. This might be because of my rusted head, busted spirit , wasted strength or culmination of all of it.

Ant Walk….yes, this is what this year has been for me. Now, I could label this as inspirational times, but I would rather count it as a tragedy. Ant Walk is definitely not romantic.

You might have figured out what I am talking about. This phenomenon is popularly know as Mid Life Crisis. It seems most of the Bob Dylan songs describe all the thoughts in my head. Below are some:

  • Blowin’ In The Wind     >>>> When I PRETEND to be the wiser one
  • Gotta Serve Somebody >>>> Its self explanatory
  • It Ain’t Me Babe             >>>> Yeah, you know what this is about
  • Like A Rolling Stone     >>>> This pretty much defines the “Crisis”
  • And there are few more……

So I reiterate again, this is not romantic.

They say time makes you wise, but why am I going crazy? May be being wise is nothing less than being crazy. But yes, my emotions have surely got diluted. Now I don’t enjoy the privilege of having alternatives for all my plans, and I can no longer afford to take people / things for granted. And you know it, its not romantic.

Fortunately, I know its not permanent. I know that “Change is the only Constant of this Universe”. May be I am a rolling stone now (I told you, analogy of Bob Dylan songs with my phase), but the dust this stone is collecting will certainly not create a sand storm, rather it would make this stone bigger, better and “WISER”. I bet, this is Romantic.


Fighting All Odds

Today I saw a fighter. I have known and seen people fighting for bread…fighting for success…fighting for love and fighting for materialistic things. Today I saw a fighter, fighting her own life.

With one third organs gone to standby, this fighter is fighting with her fist pumped up. With all the machinery doing unnatural things, she still carries the guts to smile at the jokes you crack at her. Today I saw a fighter fighting all Odds.

I felt her unparalleled love when she inquired about her kids having food while she is awake on needles and chemicals. I saw a fighter fighting all odds.

She complains of meds not being tasty, and wishes to have bread. And when you break inside and refuse, she tells you to eat on time and take care of yourself. I saw a fighter fighting all odds.

May the cosmos feel her strength and may death shy away. May she finds the pot of sneezes and own all the skipped beats. May she take my share of life and may she carry on for a longer while. May she get back her times when she hated help from other lives. Today I saw a fighter fighting all odds.


Frustration And Games

“Nothing frustrates me….and nothing can ever frustrate me”. Oh yes! When the wrong chord strikes, you fall on to ground crashing down. And this is what you can label as Reality Check.

I am a simple human being with simple thoughts. And when you see people getting hold of things that you can only dream of and the fact that you are in no situation to reach touching distance, compels the cracker to burst.

I do not care if the person on the receiving end deserves it or not but the fact that I get to bite the dust whenever I try to fly adds so much to the pain.

They say patience is the key. But hey, patience is nothing less than a slow poison. It drills you and leaves you rotten until it finds you eaten inside out.

But I wonder if this would stop me or anybody sharing the same story from trying. That is how human race rolls I suppose.

 

 


Life, Death And Afterlife

This has been one of the most thoughtful weeks of my life. So many things and revelations have happened around me lately which have compelled me to think of things which I have never thought of. Never, ever.

They say its better late than never, but now I believe that either its on time or its never. There is no scope for delayed actions. You should rather sit with your hands in your pocket, if you fail to get things done on time.

I have looked myself into the mirror and asked a simple question to the person standing infront of me. And the question was, “Justify your life. Instead of counting the miseries you have come across, have you ever done anything graceful that a bunch of people would think of you when you not around.”

You bumped into this world alone, and there is no single doubt about the fact that you would leave this world alone. And in between these two markings, your relations with this world is what that matters and it is what that is going to stay.

I would not mind having an orphan like death rather than having a bunch of losers shedding meaningless tears.

From this day, I am not going to hide stuff inside my head or heart. I shall go ahead and present my feelings to the respective ones the way they are instead of gift wrapping them because I do not want to end up standing in the sun thinking, thinking I wish I have said or done this. Because I have realized there is no scope for delayed actions.

You are not going to take anything with you once you stop breathing. No wealth, no grudges, no pain, no anger, no happiness, nothing.

No wonder I am talking about the most obvious facts existing on this planet, but the moment you realize them does change the person that reside the body of yours. And that is when you realize that you have been living a surreal life.

I have no clue what happens once you stop breathing, and I have no doubt that there isn’t anybody who would answer that question. But what you leave behind matters like hell. These are serene emotions and true feelings that cry, “How I wish….how I wish you were here today.”

If you could make atleast one person miss you or thank you after you getting wasted to ground, I guess that is when one’s life could be labelled as worth living.

This has been a week full of insights, but hate the cost at which it has come to me.


Procrastination Kills

Man….not today!! Will surely finish it tomorrow. “Oh! I have been left behind”, this feeling drains astronomical pain. But still I cannot stop myself from procrastinating things.

This thing seems to have got into me lately. I have been piling up things so that I can do them later and every day I realize that the rate at which numbers on the list growing is far higher than the rate at which I am finishing things off.

I have been trying to find ways to teach and preach my mind that procrastinating is not good, but unfortunately I do not see any luck. And why the hell am I writing this post, when I could do something more productive. Hmmm….because the ghost of Personal Blog-ger seems to have got into me.

I guess my short vacation to home have rusted my head a bit. Now I realize that I need to kill this procrastinate parasite before it kills me.


Goodbye Mr Apple!!!

What a sad post to start with! If you have little a entrepreneur living inside of you, I am sure that Steve Jobs is one of those personalities on the planet whom you look up to.

You need not be exceptional with your technical skills, nor you need to be a pass out of some magnificent university. All you need is hunger and guts to feed that hunger. As Jobs said, “Follow what you love and you would succeed.”

Since the day I first read about Jobs, I have read each and every article on him that I have come across. His speech at 2005 Stanford Commencement Address is one of the most inspiring speeches I have ever heard. And every time I listen to the guy, the little entrepreneur inside of me screams, “I want to be HIM”.

Correct me if I am wrong. Steve Jobs has made this world a better place to live with his iPods, iPhones, Macs and iPads. This man was not lucky, he was meant to bring changes. The fact that he was thrown out of the company which was actually co-founded by him and then coming up with new success stories of Pixar and Next, Jobs proved that with honest and sincere efforts, you can indeed change your stars.

Steve Jobs is more than an innovator, or a passionate brain. Steve Jobs is a phenomena that has influenced indefinite number of minds and would continue to do so.

Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish!